Some days there’s nothing worse than ‘well-meaning friends’. Has anyone ever said to you – after your disclosure, that they couldn’t have been abused because they wouldn’t have allowed it?!!! OH, really? So, exactly WHAT kind of four year old were you? I mean really, if you think it’s necessary to proclaim how much incredibly stronger you are than I, could you please pick another topic-like maybe you could’ve done more push ups than I. Or maybe talk about how you have always done your own hair. I don’t know, but it’s beyond insulting to hear you talk about how much smarter, braver, stronger you are that THIS could have NEVER happened to you.
On the flip side, I’m sure there isn’t any real intended harm when they say that, but damn!! It almost seems as if they’re saying, well, you LET that happen. Hell, you might’ve asked for it. You certainly ALLOWED it! Because most CHILDREN are in charge of their lives and correct adults when they’re out of order. Where? Where do they do that? There are so many things that go into the abuse of a child. There’s so much ‘grooming’ and prepping to make sure that the child is just vulnerable enough that you don’t feel threatened or at risk.
I hate when someone rants and raves about how independent a child they were and how nothing could’ve happened to them without their consent and blah blah blah. If you don’t know what to say —–SHUT UP. And I mean that in the nicest of ways. Shut up and listen. Be a supportive ear. But by all means, do not let someone’s disclosure become your pat-on-the-back moment. Please. It’s hard enough to tell anyone as it is. Don’t make it more difficult and certainly don’t make me REGRET telling you altogether.
I’m glad that for whatever reason, you were spared the tragedy of being abused as a child. Isn’t that celebration enough?