That NEVER could’ve happened to me!

Some days there’s nothing worse than ‘well-meaning friends’. Has anyone ever said to you – after your disclosure, that they couldn’t have been abused because they wouldn’t have allowed it?!!! OH, really?  So, exactly WHAT kind of four year old were you? I mean really, if you think it’s necessary to proclaim how much incredibly stronger you are than I, could you please pick another topic-like maybe you could’ve done more push ups than I. Or maybe talk about how you have always done your own hair.  I don’t know, but it’s beyond insulting to hear you talk about how much smarter, braver, stronger you are that THIS could have NEVER happened to you.

On the flip side, I’m sure there isn’t any real intended harm when they say that, but damn!! It almost seems as if they’re saying, well, you LET that happen. Hell, you might’ve asked for it. You certainly ALLOWED it! Because most CHILDREN are in charge of their lives and correct adults when they’re out of order.  Where? Where do they do that? There are so many things that go into the abuse of a child. There’s so much ‘grooming’ and prepping to make sure that the child is just vulnerable enough that you don’t feel threatened or at risk.

I hate when someone rants and raves about how independent a child they were and how nothing could’ve happened to them without their consent and blah blah blah. If you don’t know what to say —–SHUT UP. And I mean that in the nicest of ways. Shut up and listen. Be a supportive ear. But by all means, do not let someone’s disclosure become your pat-on-the-back moment.  Please. It’s hard enough to tell anyone as it is. Don’t make it more difficult and certainly don’t make me REGRET telling you altogether.

Ugh.

I’m glad that for whatever reason, you were spared the tragedy of being abused as a child.  Isn’t that celebration enough?

5 thoughts on “That NEVER could’ve happened to me!

  1. Oh my goshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!! Thissssss !!!! How did you let it happen for so long an never tell anyone ?? Not realizing that when it starts daily at F O U R years old into teenage years it becomes a normal part of life almost. But I mean How could you LET that become normal? You know because people LET that happen, they WANT that. My four year old self begged for that! That makes me soooooooo angry !

    Liked by 1 person

    1. IT’S IGNORANT. Hell, you could be 13 when it starts and you’re STILL a CHILD. Keep in mind that they are ignorant (as in unknowing). They can’t relate and have no point of reference.

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  2. I was groomed. I wish I had known about grooming as a child. Would I have said no to each and every one? Not sure. What I was hungry for, was attention. I thought I’d face my abuser before they died, and I had a plan. But I didn’t have time. He passed away. Much older than me, and by the time 8 was ready, he was gone. I was so angry. So upset.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Most of us were groomed. Of course many do not understand that. I’m sorry about what happened that prevented you from confronting your abuser. I had a similar experience. I’m still sorry that I never had the chance to tell him what I thought of him.

      Oh well, healing is possible nonetheless.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes it is. I did It was. “God thing” preventing ugly from happening, God just said: “Come to Me.” and I literally placed every anger-filled incident with men and all the incidents at His feet. I let go, and the anger left me. I stills had to work some things out, but at least I wasn’t that angry black woman anymore.

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